I went to lunch with someone today
I didn’t want to
But he asked
And you’ve not been around to take me
He was kind
He poured my salad dressing
He pulled out my chair
But he wasn’t you
He asked me about my family
He complimented me on my hair
He told me I had an angelic smile
But he wasn’t you
He thinks my fascination with the planets & the stars is “cute”
He dresses nice
He’s got his pentacles dialed in
He’s got great taste in cars
But he wasn’t you
To be honest, he made me think about you again
I hadn’t thought about you since Christmas
I went an entire week
I didn’t think about the way you used to kiss me when I was the star in your eyes
I didn’t think of our five position nights
or the way our spooning defined the word “perfection”
My mid day brunch with someone who seems “perfect” ended up making me think about everything imperfect that I love about you.
You would have been critiquing me about my business
Your attention would have felt scattered
I would have felt “not good enough”
You would have felt the same
We always had that unworthy thing going on
I imagined you at a corner booth rooting me on
Telling me “I deserve better than you”
I imagined you telling me to put my phone away
I imagined you saying “he’ll treat you better”
I imagined you reminding me that “you’ve got problems”
Problems that I guess aren’t worth working on
Or maybe just not with me
I went to lunch today, He wasn’t you
If he had been you, my ass would have been grabbed at least once
I would have checked a mirror out of my own insecurities. I always wanted to look pretty for you.
If it had been with you, we may have ended up fighting over nothing of any significance
Or maybe having sex against the wall in the back of the restaurant
It always depended on the day…didn’t it dear
I’m sorry I’ve not called, not emailed not reached out…
I guess I thought you wouldn’t notice
I think we’ve said all that needs to be said
Everything but the truth
The truth takes masks being burned and the discovery of what is real and what is not
That seems to hold a bit too much depth
So instead….
Instead I went to lunch today
But he wasn’t you
