Over the last few days I’ve sent you messages about the body mind and spiritual connection and how important it is for our overall wellbeing. Today I would like to share with you a bit about what helped me make this important connection.
Over the past ten months I went through a very dark time. Through this dark time I awoke to quite a few things in myself I needed to change. Many of these characteristics were brought on by outside circumstances and a few stemmed from childhood conditioning and past life and even past relationship wounding.
I’ll list a few below and maybe you can relate.
1) I realized that although I want to be married and although I have been engaged three times, I am a bit of a commitment phobic. I came to this realization after recognizing I was picking unavailable men. All of these men had one thing in common. They were either hung up on someone from the past, were commitment phoebes or, were not placing time and effort into nurturing our relationship. It was time to begin looking at old wounds that were making me choose these types of emotionally and somewhat sneaky men. Bottom line, if I wasn’t a commitment phoebe, I would be picking men who were available. I had to stop blaming them and take a good look at myself!
2) I realized I needed to rebuild my finances. When I moved to Southern California I was pretty set financially. I didn’t have any knowledge of investments however and roughly five years ago, the money had ran out. This placed me in a position of being anxious and stressed constantly. It also made a relationship that was dear to my heart suffer. Over this past year I have grown a second business. Although the seeds I have planted are just beginning to sprout, I know it will bring in more prosperity as time goes on. What I also began to notice is if I am constantly around people who speak poorly about money or say things like “no wonder you don’t make enough money”, I won’t prosper.
Taking a look at how much money I spend is also a work in progress. I realized that although I don’t blow money on shoes or clothes, I am quite a spender.
3) I realized my self esteem needed a lot of work. Being a former model and always being “the prettiest” when I walked into a room is something you get used to. Moving to SoCal where beautiful women are on every corner puts everything into perspective. Being hurt or betrayed in a relationship really puts a blow to your self esteem too. It has taken me quite a long time to wake up to knowing that when people are cruel, it is a direct reflection of the way they see themselves. I no longer look at it as physical flaws in myself. I see it for another persons reactions to the inability to heal past wounds. I now stop whatever I am doing and send whoever it is who may not be being kind or honest a loving prayer of healing, love and MEGA prosperity!
4) I realized I have a deep need to feel safe and that I deserved to feel loved This was my most profound epiphany! When I feel safe, nurtured and loved, I THRIVE in my business! I THRIVE in my health! I THRIVE in nurturing others in a balanced way. I learned that we really do mirror others. Especially in our closest relationships. If I’m being ignored, mind f****, lied to or spoken “at” in a derogatory way, I react negatively. In fact, we all do. This is because we are facing our shadow in the person we are dealing with.
5) I worked on my negative reaction to others who triggered me Over the past few years I’ve done a loads of work on my self esteem. Bio feedback, detoxing my body, chakra clearing, cleansing my liver, cognitive behavioral therapy, you name it, I have a minimum of five to ten years of having all of these services regularly. All of these helped me clear out my system to become more balanced. Once I came into contact with my past life, childhood wounds, all of that work flew out the door. Within a year, I was acting just as horrific as the person who was triggering me. I’ve had to work DAILY on regaining balance in my life. My health had deteriorated and this was my main drive in regaining this balance I so desperately desired.
Now, if someone comes at me with negativity, I shut them out. It really is this simple. I have zero tolerance for negative behavior. After visiting with my sister last weekend I noticed she had done the same years back. I think this is where I picked up this strength and divine wisdom I have inside of me. No matter how much I love a person, the way the speak and treat me have become EVERYTHING! Of course people will screw up (myself included). At this time, I am simply in observance of how others show up for me and in my daily life. Effort is rewarded and negativity is not.
6) I learned to set boundaries One of the most difficult things to do when you are a triple water sign is to know when to close the door to protect yourself. I have learned to use my Pisces Sun, Scorpio moon and rising keen intuition. If a person displays anxiety around me I realize they may have something to hide. This is their issue, not mine. If someone who I’ve not heard from in quite a while calls me out of the blue I tune into my intuition. I listen to the way they are coming towards me. Are they coming towards me with gentleness and love or anxiety and rudeness.
7) I began to recognize the need and deep longing I have for friends and family After spending a few years with a huge family man, this is something I miss having in my life. I began working on this last week by driving five and a half hours one way to visit my family. It’s a start and I intend to stick with it. I also learned that a relationship between a parent and a child is sacred ground. This always needs to be honored when entering into a relationship.
8) I learned to use my intuition to put an end to mental manipulation I could write a book on manipulation. We all have done this including myself. It’s important to recognize this tendency in others. Have you ever been “ghosted”? This is when a close friend will simply stop speaking to you out of the blue. If you ask them what is wrong they may cut you off mid sentence. You may think to yourself, I’m not a mind reader. You may feel sad or even angry. But what happens if you simply give up? Stop trying. Make no attempt to reach out to them what so ever. Nine times out of ten they reach out. This is mental manipulation in it’s highest form. It’s a push and pull narcissistic behavior that is a result of old wounds not being healed. And it’s childish. In fact, ghosting, shouting, only reaching out to people when you feel the need to have a physical connection and all of these games people play are all a form of what I call “mind fuckery”. Sorry for the cursing but it is. These are old wounds that need healed. By tuning into my intuition and placing healthy boundaries up, this type of behavior has little to no affect on me. Of course, I’m a work in progress. It takes time to go from being ran over to honoring yourself.
9) I learned the importance of being alone In my twenties I spent seven years single and celibate. After repeating this for the past year, I see that this time alone has been a huge time of growth. People who go from relationship to relationship usually do this from a fear of being alone. This is directly connecting to deep rooted abandonment issues. I’ll place a video below on this.
10) I realized it is ok to love someone and not get the love back Ok this one sounds a bit confusing, I know…but this is unconditional love. I learned to say “I accept I accept I accept”! I accept that this person is not treating me as if they love me. I accept this person is not honest. I accept I didn’t set healthy boundaries. I accept I accept I accept!
I hope this helped you, even just a little:) Tomorrow I’ll be sharing with you how we can come together and detox our minds, bodies and our precious souls together!